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First Date Dont's
Alan Goldsher
Sumptuous food and a
delectable bottle of wine. She looks smashing in her little black dress.
You haven't sweat through your suit jacket yet. All in all, things are
going pretty darn well, this is the best first date you've had in recent
memory. As the evening progresses, you begin to feel more at ease with
her. She tells you some interesting personal factoids, and you find
yourself compelled to respond in kind. You tell her about your first
little league home run. You tell her about your brothers and sisters. You
tell her about your favorite meals, movies, and music. But then you had to
bring up how your ex hated country music, and she refused to listen to it,
and that you two fought constantly about it.
Other than that, Date #1 went incredibly well.
But - and this is a big but - you freaked her out with the ex talk. All of
which means you're probably not getting to Date <#2. When the vibe is
right, there's no doubt it can be difficult to keep from blurting out some
embarrassing incident or disclosing some personal quirk. And
while some events or idiosyncrasies are kind of cute and endearing, there
are certain things that, for the time being, are best left unsaid. 1DO NOT
TELL HER HOW MANY GIRLS YOU'VE SLEPT WITH!
Whether the number
is one, or eleven, or one-hundred-and-eleven, this is information that
should be saved for a later time. A much later time.
2.DO NOT TELL HER
ABOUT THE TIME YOU GOT ARRESTED FOR INDECENT EXPOSURE!
Hold off all
discussions of your criminal record until at least Date #3.
3.DO NOT TELL HER
ABOUT THAT TIME YOU WATCHED TELEVISION FOR 72 HOURS STRAIGHT!
She'll probably find
out about your couch potato-ness soon enough.
4.DO NOT TELL HER
ABOUT THE TIME YOU MADE OUT WITH YOUR HOT THIRD COUSIN!
Yeah, the cuz might
not have been a blood relation, but your date will nonetheless find the
whole thing extremely gross.
5.DO NOT TELL HER
YOUR THEORIES ABOUT AREA 51!
Also, it'd probably
be best to not mention your obsession with the Kennedy assassination.
6.DO NOT TELL HER
THAT YOU PAINT YOUR FACE WHEN YOU GO TO FOOTBALL GAMES!
Actually, everybody
you know would probably be thrilled if you chucked your face paint right
out the window.
7.DO NOT TELL HER
THAT SHE LOOKS GOOD ENOUGH TO EAT!
That line stinks on
so many levels.
8.DO NOT TELL HER
YOUR SALARY!
Talking about money
too early is a lose/lose proposition.
9.DO NOT TELL HER
ABOUT YOUR PORN STASH!
Self-explanatory.
10.DO NOT TELL HER
ABOUT YOUR COLLEGE TRIP TO AMSTERDAM!
Also
self-explanatory.
11.DO NOT TELL HER
ABOUT YOUR IMAGINARY FRIEND!
Cute when you're
five, scary when you're 31.
12.DO NOT TELL HER
ABOUT YOUR PENCHANT FOR PUTTING BOLOGNA IN YOUR SHOES!
For that matter,
steer clear of mentioning luncheon meat, period.
13.DO NOT TELL HER ABOUT THE SKELETONS IN YOUR CLOSET!
Especially if, for some reason, you have actual skeletons in your
closet...
This article as been
bought to Mens-Network in association with Match.com |
